On Losing Friends…

Ghosting on someone you’re dating is a shitty thing to do.

Ghosting on a friend who’s got a terminal diagnosis is a REALLY shitty thing to do.

I get why it happens. People get scared. They don’t know how to act or what to say to a friend who’s facing the end of their life, and they retreat out of sheer terror of embarrassment, or because they don’t want to face up to feeling so helpless.

Here’s the thing, though. You ghost on that terminal friend, you’re going to regret it. You’re going to hurt the friend – WAY more than if you said the wrong thing, or accidentally made them throw up by bringing over what you thought would be a delicious pizza when they’re on chemo. You’re going to add to the pain of someone who’s already in pain and scared and in need of your love and support.

And you’re going to feel like shit when they’re gone. You won’t be able to apologize to them for being scared. You won’t be able to earn their forgiveness. And you’ll probably spend years trying to forgive yourself.

I totally understand why ghosting happens. I’m guilty of doing it myself. It’s really fucking hard to swallow your pride, to go back to that friend in need and say “I’m sorry I disappeared, but I’m back now. Let’s spend some time together.”

But you won’t regret doing it. I promise.


Arrived in the Portland metro area. The cats are convinced they are victims of terrible wanton cruelty. I’m surrounded by boxes that need unpacking. Bank account SUCKED DRY. Deeper thoughts to follow….